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Crimson Lies Part 3 One fire burns out another's burning, One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish. --William Shakespeare Since the beginning of time, men dreamed and poets wrote, wars have been raged and lives ruined. For life is over in a blink of an eye, a fraction of time in history. The most we can hope is to have one moment in time; one moment that makes life worth living. The pain and the sorrow, fail in comparison to that moment. Most spend eternity dreaming of such a time. Two people found that time. With a solitary kiss, life had new meaning, a reviewed passion, a purpose…each other. His lips, his breath, everything…it was him. Rinoa wanted to do nothing more than pull away, but she knew that wouldn't happen. She needed him, more than humanly possible. Her spirit had been broken, and with that, the trust gone. Love is nothing without trust… The only way to trust again was to allow herself that pleasure, to ignore the pain, to forget the past and move on. Right now, she needed to feel him, feel his heartbeat, and feel his skin on hers. Damn him…all this from one kiss, one simple request. For his part, he refused to yield. The moment would be over too soon, no matter how long it lasted. And he was afraid. Afraid she would leave, just as before…afraid of being alone. But most of all, afraid at who he'd become, a mere shadow of his former self. He was nothing without her. Finally, Squall knew that. She did it. As hard as it was, she was the one to break the contact. "Squall," softly she spoke looking down at her mother’s ring around his neck. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to think right now. I don't know what to feel." He caressed her check as she tilted her head toward the touch. "Stop trying, Rin. Stop trying to think, stop trying to feel," his voice a whisper of his normal tone. "Just feel." She closed her eyes for a second, thoughts racing. Rinoa was about to state her decision aloud, but before she knew it, he leaned over and seized her with a passion she had so often dreamed of. His hand reaching her back as his lips passionately met hers. Guiding her body toward his, he started to lower himself onto the rug. His back met the floor as she lay on top of him. Neither spoke, neither could, as each second became more heated. Damn him yet again, how did he know her decision? They deserved tonight. They needed tonight. Her future was not one of hope, the best she could do is live in the present, that moment…the one many could only dream. His hands made their way to her shirt, as he silently started removing it. For a second she stopped, as did his heart. But, she only smiled and helped take off the garment. When that task complete, he sat up, every so slightly, removing his own shirt. Rinoa reached down to feel his chest, his skin…allowing herself to remember. Sensations ran through her body from her fingertips, as they met with his flesh. The fire highlighted his eyes. Each shade stood out, colors never seen reflected off the flames. Again, Rinoa felt the overwhelming need to feel his lips, his mouth, and his tongue. Everything that was him. She lowered her body onto his, as he reached his arms around her bare skin. Before their lips could meet again, she let out a gasp as his ribs touched hers. He froze. Rinoa sat straight up, as Squall lay under her. He tenderly ran his fingers over the violet and black bruises on her side; she flinched at the painful contact. With the deepest of concern, his eyes met hers. She nodded silently, giving him permission to do what she denied fervently earlier. Carefully, he placed the tips of his fingers over the abrasions, as an amber light radiated from the union. The dark hues gradually faded to lighter ones, but never completely disappearing. Smiling wearily at him, she took his hand from her side. Softly intertwining their fingers, she mouthed the words, "thank you." He returned the gaze with intensity and concern before, what appeared to be, the tiniest of smiles…a feeling foreign to him for over two years. She leaned down to him, her face close to his, but never meeting. Stretching her body, Rinoa softly kissed his temple, then lowered just a tad and kissed his scar. Something she wished she could take away, yet even spells had their limitations. The scars they both carried would never disappear. Never fade. Reaching her free hand up she moved her fingers to his hair, reminiscing about how long it used to be. "Your hair is shorter," she said almost teasingly. He returned the gesture, tucking some stray hairs behind her ears. "Yours is too. We did what we had to do to survive." Rinoa giggled openly, "You had to cut your hair? I think that may be stretching it a little." She followed up giving him a tender kiss on his lips, which he strained desperately to maintain as she broke away. "I had to try to forget about whom I was…who we were. I don't want to forget…please…help me remember." Answering his pleas, she pressed against him tightly, letting him feel every inch of her body. He could smell the sent of the soap, the shampoo, and of the vanilla lotion she used earlier in the cabin. Every smell only incited him more, his body remembering that which his mind tried greatly to repress. Reaching around to her back, Squall effortlessly undid her bra clasp. She was right that first day back in Balamb, he had become a professional over time. He grabbed the strap and hastily tossed it over his head. A small gasp escaped her as their lips met and their bare chests connected. This time she didn't pull away as he deeply returned the kiss. Never breaking contact, he reached for the nape of her neck, and gently, lovingly rolled her onto her back, allowing himself to take a dominant position. Rinoa reached up and undid his belts, again, something she no longer fumbled over. Flinging his pants aside, just as he had done the bra, clothes were being tossed and strewn all over the small room. It had been so long, yet it only seemed like yesterday they were in this same position. Everything came flooding back…sounds, sights, memories. Their past became the present, for at that moment they were the Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly of long ago. When their bodies finally united he looked down at her, she lay under him as beautiful as ever. "Hyne, I've missed you Rinoa. I never knew how much I could miss this closeness." She looked back up to him, placing her hand on his cheek, "Just tell me you're real." Caressing her shoulders and forearms he looked into her soul assuring her, "I'm really here." Closing his eyes, Squall fought with his mind. So many times, he had envisioned this situation; it was the only way he managed when she was gone. But then, when he opened his eyes, it was never she with him…always someone else. The thought almost made him sick. He abruptly opened his eyes, to reassure to his mind what his heart already knew. Gasping out of breath, he spoke to her. "Rinoa…please look at me. I have to know it's really you." She opened her eyes quickly trying not to get lost in the feelings. His eyes were so serious, so scared. Even now in the most intimate of moments he needed her, needed the solace only she could provide. Only her. This is something the old Squall Leonhart would have never done, yet the feeling was truly amazing. They watched each other for the entire union. Each helping the other forget the pain, together they reclaimed past moments. Together they again became one. When it was over, he dreaded breaking the contact. Feeling as if the dream would end, fade away into nothingness and he again, would wake up alone at his desk. This dream should not end, could not end. He could not survive the separation a second time. Rinoa reached up placing her finger in her mother’s ring as it lay dangling between her and Squall. Tears once again formed in the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Her eyes never leaving his, her heart never leaving his. "You know she really never loved him, she just married him…maybe she did it for her career, maybe she did because she thought she lost her chance at love with your father, maybe she did it for reasons I'll never understand. I think she grew to care about him, but it was never love. I don't have too much of her, the wedding ring, a few photographs, and fragments of memories. Memories I'm not even certain are mine, not figments of my imagination." Squall exhaled, sighing as he finally rolled onto his back. The contact was broken, thank Hyne, she was still there. The dream did not fade away. With his right arm, he grabbed what appeared to be a pair of pants and balled them up into a makeshift pillow. Never breaking the physical connection with her, he pulled her into his arms. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat racing. "Rinoa, don't compare our situations to hers. There is no comparison." He reached his hand smoothing her dark hair, explaining, "I know what you're doing. Your parents might not have had the perfect relationship, but they did care about each other. They both loved you. Richard Bennett and your father are nothing alike. We might have had our differences, but I respect Caraway greatly. There is no respect for Bennett, he is no man." She laid her hand on his chest, feeling both his breathing and the rhythm of beating heart. Squall did know her. Ever since she married Bennett, she couldn't help but parallel the two stories. Although through a technicality, legally she wasn't truly married to the man, the wedding was under a fictitious name. Nevertheless, the union in all other senses was real; she wished she could erase the repulsion from her mind. The thought of Allison learning of that marriage made her queasy just to think about. What she had told Squall earlier was the truth, Alexandra would seek him out eventually…if timing and circumstances were right. There always was a contingency plan, if the situation warranted dire enough. Alex would go to Squall over Bennett. Deep down inside, between the two men, she had always believed Squall would do the right thing. For a moment she thought of telling him the truth about Allison, yet some unseen force was her holding back. Maybe it was just the thought of ruining this perfect night, perfect moment. There was always tomorrow, although she did not have many tomorrows left. Was tonight just lust and desire, or was it more? She knew. It was love. Damn it, she still loved Squall Leonhart, more than words could describe sensations and feelings beyond words, beyond love, beyond fear. The simple fact remained…it couldn't be. The next words were the hardest she would say tonight, or ever, through her entire life. For these words were not spoken out of anger as earlier, but out of love. "Tomorrow I'm leaving. Squall, please go back to Garden…go home. I can't…I can't be responsible for you losing your freedom. I have to find Alex. I have to make sure my daughter is safe. He's never going to leave me alone…I have no future. You do. You're still commander and with that you can go on." She tried to be strong, gods she tried. Yet, the next words felt as if someone thrust a dagger into her chest, now they were maliciously turning it. "Squall, go home to your wife. This is our past. Thank you for tonight, I will never forget it. But somewhere out there is your future. I'm not a part of it. I...can't be." The harsh winds died down, giving way to peaceful night. The air still frigid, but somehow a soothing comfort. Seifer could see the bright stars through the porthole window, each having a life of its own. This far north they seemed closer, if only psychologically. One could reach out and touch the celestial bodies, at least with the mind’s eye. He found himself drawing imaginary lines, making beast and friend alike. Sailors had done this for centuries, navigating by the stars themselves. They drew a map, a map of time, a map of direction. For a second, he found himself lost in their beauty and majesty. Seifer never paid much attention to simple things, always wrapped up in an illustrious dream, never stopping to notice the beauty of those around. Like Quistis. Her blonde hair tickling his face, with every breath she took. However, he dared not move the closeness, euphoria unlike anything else he had experienced. Each sense was awake with exuberance. His ears heard her deep, even breaths. His nose smelled the slight essence of coconut shampoo. His mouth, tasted the mixture of coconuts and her, the taste of her upon his lips. His eyes saw her beauty, outward and her inner being. However, most of all, his skin could register her touch - each point of their bodies that contacted, each strand of hair, the most welcome phenomenon. Involuntarily he moved his arm, attempting to wake the numbness that was overtaking. With that simple motion, she moved. Seifer damned himself for budging, as she rolled to the other side. Her breathing became heavier after the shift. Turning toward her, Seifer watched as her long blonde hair lay softly draped over the pillow. A sudden urge took over and he reached his hand and soothed her velvety hair. The texture was amazing, a cross between silk and heaven, nothing short of heaven. Quistis’ body tensed, as a gasp escaped her lips. Suddenly he could tell that she was dreaming, but regrettably, it did not appear to be one of a blissful nature. Her body stressed, and he could hear incoherent words as she uttered them. For the most part, they were nothing more than a foreign language, only understood by her. Over the mutters she finally cried, "Squall…please..." In that moment, his heart sank. How foolish was he to think that in a four-day period she could forget a lifetime of desire? Squall was her husband, for Hyne’s sake, the one she vowed to cherish forever. For his part, Seifer was aware that the commander had not taken the vows seriously. But, Quistis did. Squall never married for love, sadly, Quistis had. He closed his eyes as she echoed the words yet again… "Squall…please I need you…" This time Seifer could make out more of her fraught pleas. A sudden desolation took over his body. The tired man turned the rejection into a form of sick laughter. How fucking ironic was this? He was now the weaker man. His mind recalled a time he dreamed of comfort before, with results that devastated an entire nation. Last time though, he searched beyond his generation, beyond many lifetimes of generations. Ultimecia offered such comfort to him, such promises. Quistis was only human, which made the situation that much more difficult to sustain. This time he couldn't claim enchantment, or spells. This time, it was only his misplaced desires. Silently, he started to roll off the bed. For some reason he found himself hostile towards her, even though it was truthfully not her fault. No, maybe the hostility was not directed at her, but at himself. The moonlight shown through the window as the grey and copper metal reflected an almost greenish tint. Somehow, the same sky that looked beautiful earlier now looked as it was scorning his feelings. As angry as the man was, for some reason, he wanted to stay…maybe not next to her, but close. Feelings are funny that way. His shaking hand hesitated as it reached for the door; he looked back over his shoulder one last time, torn between two thoughts. Leave or stay. As if an answer to his question, she called out again…this time the words completely legible. "Squall…please I need you to find her." In an instant she screamed, it was the only sound audible within the small building. She hadn't meant to, but the visions so exhaustive they forever would haunt her mind. The bedroom door quickly flew open and the baby began to cry. When she regained her bearings, Alexandra reached her shaking hand out to comfort the child. She was surprised when the moonlight revealed Zell consoling Allison, holding her close, caressing her fine hair with his hand. Slightly rocking back and forth, he gently rested his head on hers, offering the warmth of human comfort. Her sight cleared as the shadows of darkness slowly began to take familiar forms. Irvine stood in the doorway, the light behind him diluted all features. The familiar cowboy hat was the only notable silhouette. Again, the horrible images flashed through her eyes, and she found an overwhelming need to disappear. Neither man had spoken, giving Alexandra time to regain equanimity. Pulling the sheets to her chest, she tried to hide her confusion. Allison stopped crying and now was resting her head on Zell's shoulder, azure eyes never closing. They held a mischievous curiosity, childlike innocents that Alex, and the others with her, could never reclaim. The little girl looked at the bed, and then around the room with growing concern. "Ma'ma?" a tired voice spoke softly, and then a second time with more urgency, "Ma'ma!?" "She's not here right now, honey," Alex choked out. "Auntie Alex is sorry, but she will be here soon. Promise. Ma'ma loves you." The words did not seem to comfort the child, as she began crying again. Irvine walked over to Zell, and stretched his arms out to the girl. "Hey you, young en'…let's say we go find some cookies and juice. Who doesn't love some juice in a baba…er…bottle." The child hesitantly went to the stranger, but through the tears did manage to squeak out the word, "juice?" As they left the room, Zell finally directed a question toward Alex. "So…you okay?" "Yeah," she lied. "Just a bad dream…nothing important." Sitting on the edge of the bed, the slightly perplexed man looked at the red-numbered lights of the clock. "It's not 4:27. Are you sure you should be up?" She let out a sound somewhat a mix between a laugh and cough, "You too?" "Yeah, that kinda got annoying. But, sometimes waking up from that nightmare was a bigger comfort." Pulling her hair from her face, she tucked strands behind her ears. "Well, at least that dream was the only one you had to live with…I have others," sorrow filled her voice. "The visions of the dead are stronger than the living, they never forget…I wish they could learn to forgive." "Wha?" he looked at her, curious at the comment. Alex hid her eyes, "Never mind. I just had a bad dream, that's all. I’m sorry for waking you guys." "We weren't sleeping," he replied. Part of him wanted to continue questioning her, as Zell knew she was hiding something else from them. Yet, he believed Alex would tell when she was ready and decided not to press any further. "We were trying to get a hold of some friends of ours through back channels. Irvine managed to get a hold of his girlfriend on a network chatroom by using names only we could understand." For the first time she laughed aloud, "Irvine has a girlfriend? That...I didn't expect." Zell looked at her strange. She continued her brown eyes growing wider, "Oh, I didn't mean it that way…I mean, oh never mind. Sorry, this place just brings back memories, both good and bad. We spent many summers up here." "It was probably pretty nice back in its day," he tried to mean it as a compliment. "Your parents must have loved Dollet, or the communication tower." "I never knew my parents," she said defensively. "I was…adopted by a doctor who took care of my mother." Zell scratched the back of his head, and half-teasingly asked, "Err…your mother’s name wasn't Raine or you never lived in an orphanage, did you?" "No?" she answered completely puzzled, "Why?" "Ah…nothing just had to make sure. It's freaky enough about sharing the visions with you." Another strange thought entered his head, "A…you're not my sister or anything?" "Your sister?" she laughed. "No, Zell. I think these are some of the strangest questions I've ever been asked." For some reason, there was an underlying tension within the air. She tried to break the apprehension with a more lighthearted statement, "Well it rates up there with the strangest question I was ever asked… I'm a sorceress who is running from her estranged boyfriend, the Commander of SeeD, who has been accused of murder and now carrying his child… Do you think you could deliver the baby and then raise her as your own? That was a pretty bizarre day too." "Yeah, I bet…well, I'm going to check on Irvine and Allison. Do you want some water or anything?" "No thanks," she replied smiling up at him. "I'm doing okay. Think I'm just going to lie back down. Allison might not want to go back to sleep…she's kinda a night owl." "Yeah," he said closing her door. "She gets that from her father. But luckily, she seems to have more the curious personality of her mother." To a certain degree, Squall actually pushed her off his chest, not with force but still in anger. "You honestly think I can go back? Damn you, Rinoa. This is not a game to me, this is my fucking life. I don't lose you for two years to have you leave me in the morning. What do you want me to pay you too?" He did it. For the second time tonight, his mouth said something he wished could be taken back. Earlier she poured her soul out to him, telling of how she degraded herself in Trabia. Now, he only cheapened that which just happened, something so beautiful…so indescribably magical. As with their love, it was truly above words. Squall could tell he hurt her. She didn't look up just curled into a fetal position, lightly trembling; she lay lost in the hurtful words. Squall quickly moved over to her, kneeling back onto the rug. "Oh, Hyne Rinoa. I didn't mean that. Please," he pleaded. "I'm an asshole…please. The thought of leaving you after so long is…I was barely alive before tonight. To lose you again, would be death." He grabbed the quilt from the couch and walked over, delicately covering her body. Sitting next to the person who mattered most, Squall ran his fingers through her dark hair. "Rinoa, I'm going with you. It's not a question, it's an answer. My life at Garden is over…my life with politics is over. I will fulfill the promise I broke so long ago. Please…it is my redemption, my salvation. I pledge my life to you as your friend, as your lover, and as your knight. Nobody will hurt you or Allison again. I promise." She stopped shaking, whether it was the blanket, his pledge, or his proximity remained unknown. Rolling onto her back, she looked up at him. He placed a hand on her cheek and she mustered a tiny smile. "Squall, there is just so much…too many enemies. I know you want to protect me, I know that now. But there is something between us that neither of us can forget happened. Squall I…I don't know if I can trust you with our lives. I want to, Hyne I want to, but something is keeping me from…there is just something I can't explain." He grabbed two small couch pillows and lay on the floor next to her. She shared the blanket, he didn't ask, it was something done on instinct. Lying on his side, he watched as she continued to stare at the ceiling. Squall could tell she was afraid of the eye contact, exposing her naked body was nothing compared to her naked soul. He reached for her right hand that rested on the blanket, not positive how she would react. For the briefest of moments she did not move. Finally a hesitation as she stretched her fingers, and then finally giving in, accepting his hand. He knew it was more. He could feel their strength as one return, as their souls united once again. The hand represented her decision, which she finally voiced. Turning to look him in the eyes, she smiled. A smile that melted his heart; one that made the days worth living, life worth living. "Squall Leonhart, I would be honored if you would be my knight again." Peace does not appear so distant as it did. I hope it will come soon, and come to stay; and so come as to be worth the keeping in all future time. --Abraham Lincoln During that time between sleep and consciousness, a thousand wishes are made. Some simple, like five more minutes of sleep; some more complex than a lifetime of eternities. If one could find a happy medium, they are truly blessed. It is also the time when realization is upon you and dreams are sorted from actuality. A time when sensations return and truth is discovered. With every night comes the dawn… Her first thought, ‘how stiff her back muscles were.’ Lying on her side, she stretched her legs, slightly arching her back. When reality dawned, Rinoa quickly opened her eyes. For a second, she saw only the cabin interior. The fire had died down, leaving only smoldering ash. A sudden apprehension took over when she noticed herself on the bed. Was yesterday one of her vivid daydreams? The thought made her nauseous…it was so perfect, it was so wonderful… "Morning," a hoarse voice spoke softly from behind. The smile couldn’t stay away, it was real, and he was real. Rolling onto her back, she stretched arms overhead as her eyes turned toward him. God, he was handsome, even after all this time, even after all the stress evident in his features. Their eyes locked, neither willing to move. Minutes they stayed there, neither saying a word…just taking in everything that was them. Squall noticed how she had matured, her features more the woman than the girl he remembered from his dreams. Her shorter hair highlighted her face, as wispy strands fell into her eyes. What weight she had gained from the child, suited her well - giving her a shapelier and defined figure, but still perfect. Her smile, her smile…it hadn’t changed, not one bit. She was still the saintly being, his angel, and his savior. Rinoa found herself lost in his eyes; it had always been his eyes. On the surface, they appeared to be of blue, with traces of brown. However, on the inside they were the stormy river that led to his soul. His torment, and his sorrow, all shown openly within the tender gaze. She found herself drowning in his eyes, not wanting anyone to rescue her. When he made the slightest of sounds, whether a sigh, or a heavy breath, it brought her back into the truth. All of a sudden, she was no longer looking at his eyes…but those of Allison. Tensing at the thought of her helpless daughter, Squall could tell her sudden change in demeanor. "Are you okay?" he asked tenderly placing a hand on her silken skin. The physical contact shot electricity through her veins, as she replied, "Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a sudden thought about Ally…Squall, I’m so worried about her." Sometimes it was hard for him to grasp the concept of Rinoa being a mother. Hell, he only found out yesterday. After all that transpired, nothing justly had time to sink in. For a second, an almost jealous feeling shrouded him that the child was on her mind during their moment. Even in that time, he inwardly cursed himself for such a thought, how fucking selfish. Then it occurred to him, the truth that he did not want to face. The truth he was resentful of…Richard Bennett was the father, not him. The jealousy was not with the child, it lay within the paternity. That bastard. Honestly, children were never his thing. The junior cadets at Garden made him nervous enough and they were at least five. Maybe it was their disorder, maybe it was their lack of attention span, or maybe they represented everything he lost. His childhood. Watching their carefree ways and childish games made him uncomfortable, in return, he learned to resent what they stood for…innocence. Something lost to him long ago, and something that would be lost to them soon enough. He told Rinoa once he didn’t want children. It was easy writing it off to the job, or the danger of living at Garden in general. But the fact he hadn’t faced then, or even now, was the thought of true, unconditional love. Someone that would wholly depend on him, for their survival, for their life. Moreover, something he was afraid of losing…or hurting as his father had done him. Now after so long of not caring, he found himself in a discomfited situation. He would have to come face-to-face with his fears, for her, and for himself. Allison was part of Rinoa’s life, and he would defend Ally just as he would her mother. The knight would honor his duty as protector of the child, in life and spirit, even if he wasn’t the biological father. His mind raced back to that arid day in Balamb. The one forever etched in both of their memories, picturing Rinoa sitting in the passenger seat of the Garden vehicle. That was the first day she mentioned children to him, or any sort of future commitment. That was the only day she ever mentioned children again. Rinoa learned her limits that day, there were lines drawn that even she wouldn’t cross. The fear that overtook him, at the mere notion of naming a child, was greater than the child itself. It was a fear of commitment…but most of all, a fear of true love. In his mind, at this moment, he heard her once again asking the question, "Do you like Allison for a girl and Aaron for a boy?" Four years and a lifetime since then, Squall Leonhart finally looked her in the eyes, answering the very question that terrified him almost five years ago. "Rinoa, I like the name Allison for a girl." The statement was so off-the-wall she managed a laugh, through her obvious worry. That was a way of hiding her true pain. Her immediate thought was telling him the truth about his daughter, yet something continued to hold her back. Hell, they had been as close as physically possible last night…but maybe that was it. ‘Physically possible’…something mentally did not feel complete. The bond was there, not broken, but damaged. Was it the lack of trust or her shattered spirit still torn between knight and family? A million possibilities flashed through her mind. Then it dawned on her, why must she still separate the two…knight or family? Two separate entities, not in union. Why were they not one? He gave himself on every level last night, but on the one she genuinely desired. Trust. He was still holding something back…and dammit, she knew it. She knew him. Slowly her thoughts drifted back to him, as he stared deeply within her eyes. If she knew…did he know it too? If they were honestly one, there would be no secrets. Yet she could tell he was holding back, and for sanity alone…she would too. There would be a time to tell him…but not right now. Too much was left unsaid. Plus, she was afraid. Afraid of his reaction, afraid of the truth. "Ah…thank you?" she finally said confused, not relating the answer to her question four years ago in Balamb. Suddenly the entire incident with Richard Bennett flashed in Squall's mind…the hostility toward him and the resentment of SeeD. The picture of Zell and Irvine helping the accused kidnapper, now it became crystal-clear. They found out who the child was. They were willing to risk their freedom and lives for the child. They knew. "Oh Hyne," he said rolling to his back shocked. "They have Allison." Rinoa sat straight up, all look of contentment vanished at the thought. "Who has Allison? Squall, what’s wrong?" Sitting up, his only intent was to comfort her distress, gently putting both his arms around her shoulders. Trying to pacify her fears, he explained, "When I went to Bennett’s house he was extremely belligerent. The entire ordeal ended up with him landing face down on the floor. I had no idea why the man hated me so much. Now I understand. He also threatened the lives of other SeeDs that aided in the abduction. None of the pieces fit, then he handed me a surveillance photo. In it Zell was running with an unidentified woman, and Irvine holding a child…they stopped their capture in Dollet." Gasping for air within her lungs, the thought of them being apprehended made her body tremble. He pulled her near. As their skin touched, Rinoa felt a comfort unlike any other. Resting her head on his bare chest, she listened to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat. He in return, wrapped his arms around her, silently stroking her hair. His grip, tighter than normal, for a second he worried about her ability to breathe. It had been so long, this comfort so foreign. To him. To her. He never wanted to let go. Squall could feel her warm tears rolling down his chest, but did not care. Each one traced its own path, letting him know that he was alive. "Zell and Irvine will protect her, right?" she asked through gasping breaths. Already knowing the answer, if her friends had gone into hiding with Alexandra. But for some reason, she needed to hear if from him. Friends? How long had it been since she considered them friends. "Of course, Rin…they will hold no hard feelings for you against her. They have shown that, I trust them with my life…yours and Allison’s." "Wait…" she pulled herself away, again examining his expression. "You mean they still think I killed Ellone? You never told them the truth?" He glanced away for an instant, embarrassed the admission slipped his mind during the turmoil. Only he, Seifer and Quistis knew the truth right now…and that might be a little hard to comprehend, given her current emotive state. He ran his fingers through her silky brunette hair, smoothing back the clumps that glued to her face with tears. Compassionately he explained, "Rinoa, I just found out myself. I guess…well, I wasn’t thinking of anything, but finding you. I’ve never been one to share things with people, if it wasn’t necessary at that moment. My only thought was you, now that we had a lead in Trabia. Never in a thousand seasons did I imagine finding you this quickly. Though, I can never express my gratitude in doing so." Rinoa smiled weakly. "I understand," empathy in her voice. "So…how is everyone doing? I really would like to know." He lay back down onto the bed, pulling her with him. Grabbing her hand, he intertwined their fingers. His other arm holding her tightly, each points of contact of their bodies a wondrous sensation. Squall turned his head toward her, giving the slightest kiss on the forehead before starting, "Selphie and Irvine are doing well…although, neither really speaks to me unless they have to. I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with for the last couple of years. Selphie tries to remain cheerful, at least on the outside. Inside I think she is as lost as the rest of us. Irvine is still a SeeD, but he will really never truly be one in his heart. Which I am grateful for, even if I don’t say it. Originality is hard to come by military standards." Snuggling closer into his chest, Rinoa gave his neck a small kiss. She knew the commander wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, Hyne did she know. Rinoa could only imagine how he had reacted to the death of his sister…and to losing her. No matter the circumstances she left under. She should have been there along side him. That is where she was fucking supposed to be. For a minute she tensed in anger about the betrayal…how could her friend do that? Sensing her behavioral change, he quickly continued, "Zell…well, honestly Zell has taken this situation almost as hard as me. He lost faith that day, though he won’t admit it. He has been going through the motions, trying desperately to act like himself. But I know, those of us who conceal can tell when others are hiding behind masks." Smiling up at him, Rinoa listened carefully as Squall recalled everything. "Cid accepted a liaison role with the World Council, publicity and that sort of political crap. The kind of shit I hate, but he seems to handle it well. Edea moved back to the orphanage, remodeling. They don’t have any children there…I don’t think they ever will. Nevertheless, it’s a hope. It keeps her going. She wasn’t treaded too nicely after the incident, ex-sorceress or not…feelings of hatred run deep. So, she is alone most of the time, Cid is there on weekends…but I know it’s not enough for her. Oh, by the way…I gave her Angelo." Lifting her head, she looked at him, with a huge smile, "Really?" He nodded. "Squall…I just figured that Angelo was…well you know she was my dog. I figured after what had happened someone would have…" He interrupted her statement, "Yeah, I did too. Selphie really wanted the dog, even when everyone thought that you were…well you know. But threats had been made, and I thought it my duty to protect Angelo, she was a part of you. The only part that remained. When Edea left from Garden after the memorial, she was willing to take Angelo to the orphanage…Rin your dog loves it there. All the fields to play in, the rabbits to chase, and the ocean… she loves the ocean." Rinoa leaned in, giving him a quick kiss on the lips, which he generously returned. "Squall, make you a deal. If we ever get out of this…we will take Allison to the orphanage. She has never seen the ocean, never felt sand between her toes… Squall she has never even seen a dog that wasn’t in a book. We will take her, and then Edea will have a child there." It was a dream, Squall knew that, but it was a dream they both could share. He smiled to her, no words were needed, his smile brighter than a million words. God, did he ever remember being this content? If so, the memories were repressed way beyond reclamation. Pulling her into him, they again started what they had last night. Something so foreign, yet so familiar. Each kiss with more urgency, with more passion. "Wark! Wark!" Both shocked out of actions, when a terrible commotion erupted outside. Squall sat up quickly, verbally cussing out the damn bird. The chocobo that had carried him to the ascetic cabin was now running around in circles. Flapping its feathers, demanding attention in nonverbal urgency. As the chocobo continued its proceedings, a sudden feeling of trepidation took over. "Rinoa, get dressed. Quick." She didn’t answer him, jumping off the bed and starting to search for loose articles of clothes. He was doing the same. As Rinoa buttoned her pants she looked at him, eyes satiated with fear. "What Squall…what’s wrong?" "I don’t know yet. But that chocobo is trying to warn me of something…don’t ask…please just don’t ask." With a curiosity at the bird’s tantrum, the mystified woman walked over to the window, spying the yellow creature running in circles. It had worn a path from its previous travels. All of a sudden, it darted into the forest as if not wanting to be witnessed. Ample snow covered the ground, the previous day’s storm made the road to the cabin only visible by the tree-lined path. Her eyes widened as she observed her worst fear. "SeeD," she said aloud, then with more urgency, "Squall – hurry. SeeD is here." Hyne, how long had it been since she had such a peaceful night sleep? The bed was remarkably small for one person, let alone two. Nor was it comfortable by any means…yet she slept. Peacefully. He had actually stayed with her though the night. In reality, she wasn’t expecting him there when she woke, but was glad for the surprise. He, on the other hand, had not woken yet. When he slept, she could see the child within. All traces of evil or hostility gone, in their place the solitude and tranquility one could only find when not seeking it. Maybe this is where her search ended; maybe he was her chalice, her holy grail. Her mind flashed to the orphanage…and between the two boys. Each alike, each different. What separated them and such a young age? What made her fall for Squall over Seifer? She could argue it to be Squall’s personality, quiet, shy and dependent in his own way. A way he never understood, but Quistis did. He had not always been like that though…not when Ellone was around. In reality, back then, the two boys were extremely similar, especially in attitude. Nevertheless, the day Ellone left, Squall changed. He became the one she wanted to help, that was her nature. The same thing that led her toward the life as instructor, lead her to Squall. But the day Ellone left…permanently…Squall changed again. It was more than the loss of a sister; it was the loss of life, both his and Ellone’s. This leaves Seifer. Always 'the other one' in her mind, and to all who grew up with them. She realized what drew her to Squall, would be the only reason they were apart. Squall didn’t need a sister two years ago; he needed a lover…his soul mate. Quistis was neither. But Seifer… he needed her. Why had she been so blind from the start? Then again, five years ago they weren’t meant to be together, each had to learn from their mistakes. It was supposed to be this way. That simple. They needed to grow, they needed to mature…they needed each other. A loud knock sounded on the door. Quistis tried to sit up, even though Seifer was half on top of her. The noise didn’t seem to bother him…this guy could sleep through anything. After another attempt to sit up failed miserably, she finally announced for the person to come in. For a minute she pondered any recourse on her reputation…being married to the commander and all. Then she decided…she didn’t care any more. Lauren opened the door, visibly surprised to see Quistis sleeping with another man. Fully clothed. But Quistis had told her the full story last night. Outlandish to think her instructor, more importantly the commander’s wife lay in bed with 'the Seifer Almasy'. His reputation at Garden was less than flattering, if not down right hated. Yet still, he didn’t seem like an evil tyrant bent on worldwide domination, well…at least in her opinion. "Hey Quistis, the press conference is an hour. I hadn’t seen you, so thought I would check if you all right… I see that you are fine now," she laughed slightly as the woman in bed slightly blushed in embarrassment. "Really, it’s okay. I’m not going to tell anyone…who would believe me anyhow? Oh, more SeeD members arrived today to look for Bennett’s wife…um the sorceress and Squall. Still nobody has made a connection that I can figure." "Lauren, her name is Rinoa. I know it’s strange to say after all that has happened. But it’s just Rinoa. I promise you, the commander will no longer yell at you if you say that name." "Thanks Quistis," she replied with a smile. "It’s just so strange. Everything. Really though, you don’t know what an honor it is that you trusted me. I promise to help the four of you, the best way I can. It’s my duty as SeeD, more importantly, as a friend." Quistis tried getting up again. "Hey Lauren, as a friend, do you have any idea how to wake him up?" The knock came…they knew it would. Squall motioned for Rinoa to hide behind the door, same fashion as last night. There was only one SeeD, which was a consolation. He would do his best not to harm him, but if it came down to it, he would protector her at any cost. What he did not realize, nor could he. The irony that they were not searching for her, but for him. SeeD was on a hunt…for their commander. Slowly he opened the door. The SeeD looked a little upset to see him, almost the tiniest bit of fear. Squall remained calm, letting his leadership instincts take hold. "It’s about time soldier," Squall spat out at the man. Who was more than a little baffled. "Sir…it’s about time?" "Yes, I sent that distress call over twelve hours ago. I would think that Trabia Garden would be capable of a simple rescue and recovery operation." The SeeD remained calm; playing along with the commander’s little game. "Oh…oh right. We had some trouble triangulating the location during the storm, but I was sent when the storm let up." "Fine, just let me get my coat." The commander walked to his jacket and then turned back to the SeeD. "Oh can you get my radio over there?" The junior saluted and started to the table…he never felt the metal pan hit his head, rendering him unconscious. Squall bent down to him, checking his pulse. "He’ll be fine. Come on." He grabbed Rinoa’s hand and headed for the door, toward the waiting Garden vehicle. Each knew one thing. There was no going back for Squall now. He had made his decision. Rinoa. Reporters from every corner of the globe circled like vultures in the sky. Each wanted to ask Mrs. Leonhart questions about her husband’s disappearance. She and Lauren walked through the locust, pushing a path leading to the platform. Damn them. Damn all of them. Never had she been so harassed by a group, never had she felt such hatred toward people. The press made Squall the villain. Hell, he was already convicted without a trial. She wondered how people could change their opinions so quickly, without a second thought. One minute he was the savior of the world, next a cold-blooded murderer. There was no gray, only black and white. Quistis wished Seifer could have been with her, but hell, they would have picked him out quickly. He would already would have been imprisoned by now. Then it hit her, she was the only one of them left who could walk down the street. Rinoa, Squall, and Seifer…their lives, their freedoms were over. Would time forget and forgive? Lauren kept most of the jackals at bay, at least the ones she could. Several other SeeD members were present, helping the escort. After what seemed the short eternity they arrived at the platform. She took her seat along side President Mitchell of Galbadia. He looked to her with a smirk, murmuring his apologizes about her husband…reassuring her that they were not holding her responsible. Seifer watched from a snow-covered alleyway. Things had come full circle. Two years ago this week he watched as Squall Leonhart announced the hunt for the sorceress…and now he was watching Quistis Leonhart announce the hunt for Squall. Irony…the fucking irony. Neither guilty, but neither free. He watched her eyes in fear, how he wished that he were standing beside her for support. The bastard from Galbadia was talking to her; he could sense her uneasiness from even this far away. That man was the devil, disguised as a savior to many. Seifer knew. Quistis sat as officials made the artificial allegations. Every fucking one of them, a lie. Still, she didn’t waiver. They needed her… Rinoa, Squall, and even Seifer. Their future depending on her actions. How she handled herself among the snakes. She sat reading the documents that had been presented, feigning being lost in thought. Trying to think of something plausible to say during her speech. She was to relay the current situation of SeeD. Their duties and where loyalties lay, against the commander. Suddenly fear shrouded her. Quistis could feel his heartless eyes staring at her. She looked over to President Mitchell to counter his actions. She would not be weak this time. His eyes narrowed in a glare…for a brief second she couldn’t comprehend the change. At that instant, they announced for President Jefferson Mitchell to take the podium, to the delight of many supporters. Again, his popularity was growing. The leader of the famed World Council had ventured to their humble town, to help with the tragic loss of their own delegate. He looked at Quistis reaching his hand down to her thigh. And then leaned in whispering the most horrifying word imaginable. "Think." She felt a sudden urgency, as fury began to rise. She had heard that word before; she had heard that threat before. Right before the school bus bombing…the only thing making her keep the secret. The one that was drowning her. President Mitchell turned to her while taking his place among the microphones. A smile with evil and greed. In that moment, she knew whom they were dealing with. That bastard knew of Rinoa…and that bastard framed Squall. Nobody was safe. Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; And all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart. --Robert Sexton She loathed this, but at the same time, it was the most unparalleled bliss in the world. Rinoa knew that Squall had made his decision; they would now be fugitives…together. His life at Garden was finished, years of training since childhood…now a distant memory. Everything he ever was, no longer mattered. He was like her; he was a criminal. They reached the vehicle, and thankfully, the SeeD left the keys in the ignition. Trabia was possibly the most disorganized group known to man, even worse than the ‘Forest Owls’ on a proportional scale. Quickly both entered the cab, and Squall immediately started the engine. Silent tears fell from her face, as she watched him prepare to leave. Everything about him still fascinated her, the way his gloved hands gripped the steering wheel. Fingers that could be so dominating, yet so gentle. She knew both sides, something she faithfully believed that was an honor only bestowed upon her. The way he systematical checked and adjusted the mirrors, even in the immense hurry, he still followed safety protocol to a certain degree. The way her knight ran his fingers through his hair, some things never changed. Finally, she noticed how his eyes would glance toward her, always making sure that she was still there. Whether he looked in the side or rear view mirrors, or actually had the courage to check from peripheral vision, he needed visual confirmation. But done in a way that he didn't want her to notice. He needed her, needed to know she was still there. Not a fantasy. Real. Letting out a deep breath, he put the car into gear, driving away from the wooded bungalow. She turned once more to watch the silhouette of the cabin disappear behind groves of trees. For three days, it was home, and for one wonderful night, it was heaven. Somehow the emptiness of the barren land no longer mattered, her knight returned, and with that color to the landscape. "Squall?" she asked hesitantly. He desperately wanted to look at her angelic face, but the ice-covered pavement required all his attention. The hills and mountains made the roads treacherous terrain; one could easily go careening down a ravine, and not be discovered until the summer thaw. So, he continued surveying the road, giving nonverbal acknowledgement. "Squall I…I don't understand. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful…but everything you ever had, everything you ever wanted out of life…it is gone. You just lost it with one action. Squall…you betrayed SeeD." "Rinoa, you still don't understand. Stop thinking about everything I lost…only think about everything I gained. You. Two years ago, I lost you, and only SeeD remained. It was the only life I knew before, but after you…it was insignificant. Commander of SeeD is the title I had, knight was the title I wanted…the one I cherished." This time he dared to look at her, slightly turning his head, meeting the gaze of her rich brown eyes. Smiling lovingly back, she mouthed the same words spoken last night. "Thank you." For moments, they were silent…neither speaking only trying to figure out the enormity of the situation. And for a brief moment, they spent in the tranquility of just being there. Together. However, the gods of fate never smiled upon them for very long, because at that moment the radio went off. "Trabia Garden to vehicle 427, please acknowledge your current location." Squall checked the corresponding identification number etched on the metal plate. Shit, which was undeniably…them. How ironic this situation mirrored the Ragnarok five years ago. Drifting out in the endless void of space, their only connection to civilization the communication radio and the bastards at the other end. They wanted her back then for her powers…powers eventually manipulated against her. Without guilt, without remorse. Now there would be no sealing, only death without trial. Fuck them. Reaching for the radio, he prepared to respond. However, they would ask his SeeD identification number, which would certainly give them away… He quickly handed the communicator over to Rinoa. "Rinoa, repeat after me…word for word. Do not add anything." She nodded in understanding as he continued, "ST-0303-BLM current location 40' longitude, by 65' latitude." She repeated it letter for letter, word for word. "Selphie Tilmitt, Balamb Garden," the static voice from the other end rejoined. Squall nodded once again, mouthing, "Affirmative." "Affirmative," she spoke with certainty. "Damn it," the voice came back. "Sorry about that Miss. Tilmitt, we just have the wrong paper work…again. Continue on your search." "Roger," she said pressing the button. Squall's eyes grew wide at her single word. He bit his lip slightly shaking his head, trying to concentrate on the road ahead. "Excuse me?" the voice questioned back. Rinoa thought that's how she was supposed to respond. Now she realized, by Squall's demeanor alone, it wasn't. "Sorry, I just thought that was you…Roger. It's been so long." She cursed herself for not shutting up, as with each second that went by, they would only grow more suspicious from her rambling. "Oh no, Miss Tilmitt…Roger is off today, but I'll let him know that you asked." Rinoa said nothing else, quickly setting the mechanism back into the cradle. Turning her head toward Squall, she tilted her head slightly as was her trademark. She smiled apologetically knowing he couldn't see her, but he knew her actions. "You still don’t like to listen to me, do you?" he asked with a playfulness only she could decipher from anger. "We just better be thankful there was a ‘Roger’ in the communication department." "Er…sorry. I thought that…" she quieted down, not wanting to pursue the subject any further. "Hey, why did they think I was Selphie anyhow?" "It's the only other student number I know. Two years ago, we assigned new numbers…hers stuck in my mind. ST, for Selphie Tilmitt and BLM, given to all the SeeDs attending Balamb Garden…but the 0303…it's your birthday, March 3. So, I remembered it. I could never forget that date." Looking out the window, a small laugh escaped her lips. She couldn't help the smile from once again forming. Reaching her hand over tentatively, she placed it on his upper thigh. Slowly she caressed the fabric of his uniform, feeling every muscle in his leg and the way his body tensed at her touch. The contact sending electricity through both of them. It was a sensation that made Squall realize he was alive, more importantly that he was with the only person he ever loved. His sorceress, his love, his life…Rinoa Heartilly. Innocent. They were innocent. Children no more than ten years of age, and the driver who's responsibility it was to care for their safety. One bomb. One explosion. One moment. Taking away all their dreams and their very heartbeats. One man so cowardly he blamed and executed a homeless man, again another needless death. However, to President Jefferson Mitchell life was nothing, people were nothing - all dispensable, all pawns in his game. The only problem was, nobody knew of the game but Quistis, and the rules were all but nonexistent. This would be the deciding point in her life…to turn and run, to hide amid Garden as she had before. Or to stand and face the enemy, relying on her strength and that of those around. Amazingly, she stood with Seifer and Squall two unlikely allies, but the best two associates one could possibly hope for. This was their time. She might have not had the courage alone, but together…she did. This time she would not go quietly into the night, she would be the shadow that followed Mitchell…always there, always waiting. Crowds of citizens and reporters alike cheered him as he gave what sounded more like an election campaign than a news conference. Someday they would know the pain he had caused. Someday…and she would be there when he fell, with nobody to catch him. And that someday would be soon. Gazing over into the alley, she saw Seifer standing in his SeeD uniform. How things would have turned out different had he passed his exam, had he been there that day with Ellone and not her. For a second she found her self caught up in a dream, one that could never be…them on a mission together, or even walking around Garden together. Nothing special, maybe just as simple as being in the cafeteria as he ate salty fries and she picked at her salad. Simple things. Things that no matter how much wished for, could never be. Their fate was decided a long time ago. Yet, he still gave her strength in just being there. The man was risking his freedom for her and she knew it. Moreover, she loved him for it. Entranced in her thoughts, Quistis finally felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she saw Lauren with a confused look, motioning for her to follow. Her turn at the podium would be up soon, but if Lauren was pulling her off the stage in front of hundreds…there was a damn good reason. Quietly getting up, she walked down the back stairs as the younger SeeD pulled her behind the curtain. Speaking as softly as possible Lauren reported, "I was just over at the communication post checking the progress on the search for Commander Leonhart. One of the vehicles searching the Trabian woods radioed back with Selphie's identification number. The operators thought they had the wrong staff paperwork. Even asked me if I knew Selphie… I told them yes, I believed she had come up here with the latest group of SeeDs. I left and used a direct link to Balamb… I was right, Selphie was still there." That was it….it was the little piece of hope Quistis wished. First, she knew that it was Squall trying to relay a message and still conceal their identity. Second, if it was a female voice…it was Rinoa. Goddamned she was really alive…and with Squall. The feelings before she left the stage, still weighed heavily on her mind. Yet now, their small group of three turned into four. In addition, one of them was a sorceress. That could make all the difference. Thank Hyne. "Oh," the junior SeeD continued, "you're not going to believe this. Selphie said she'd been in contact with Irvine and Zell… they're now on the run with Richard Bennett's assistant Alexandra Williams and staying in Dollet. Allison Bennett is with them… Renee's…um…Rinoa's daughter. The child is doing fine, but now they are wanted by the authorities also." "Damnit," Quistis spat. "You would think I'd have been notified about something like that. I think the council wants me to stay in the dark… Okay here is what we are going to do. Go to the communication room, and tell them it's an order to broadcast my speech. Make something up if you have to…about letting SeeDs know that all Gardens are united on this search and we're SeeD first and friends second…or some other crap like that. Just make it believable and tell them it must be broadcast. Use whatever means possible." Taking a quick glance around the bustling scene the instructor continued, "Then go find Seifer…just call for Nicolas or something. He saw me leave from the stage, so there is a good chance he'll find you. Tell him to get on our vessel directly, and then have Captain ready to depart immediately. You go back to Balamb Garden and work with Selphie…I can't drag you in any further…too many lives are already at stake." Saluting the older SeeD, Lauren started to leave until Quistis called out. Quickly she walked up to her softly adding, "Lauren, I can never thank you enough. We all owe you so much. Whatever happens, whatever people say about Squall and Rinoa…don't believe it. They were just two people who truly loved each other. Please remember them that way. Also, if you hear anything about Seifer and me, just remember the truth. We were two people lost in our dreams, but finally realized our mistakes. I don't care what others say…just promise me you will remember us that way. Promise." The younger girl noticed the tears in her leader’s eyes, and the sincerity that lay behind them. Holding back her own tears she answered, "I promise." Quistis hugged the girl and headed back toward the stage. As she walked up the stairs Lauren noticed her crumple up the planned speech, tossing it in a near by wastebasket. For some reason, the younger SeeD felt as if Quistis just said goodbye. Not just for today, but forever. Returning to the row of folding chairs, Quistis sat as the cold metal chilled her to the bone. She tried to warm her hands on the heaters set up around the stage, each a futile attempt compared to the bitter temperatures. Finally, the last reporter asked Mitchell a question and he answered in a double-talking way only a politician could. It sounded good, but in reality, he said nothing. Typical. Feeling the eyes of hell upon her, Quistis looked at the man as he sat down beside her. Reaching his hand over, he lay it tenderly on Quistis' leg, never breaking eye contact. "Hope you had some time to think dear Mrs. Leonhart. I know how much you pray for your husband’s safe return…must get lonely in bed without him warming you. Now that he is searching for his little bitch again, guess that means you're free." Pushing his hand off her thigh, she narrowed her eyes at him. This man truthfully was the most hideous, disgusting creature on earth. She wanted to tell him off; she wanted to take her weapon to him without mercy. Nevertheless, in the end, the President would get his…and she would be there…smiling. She just shook her head, not wasting her breath. Grabbing her folder, Quistis took her place at the podium staring out into the unforgiving masses. It seemed an eternity, but in actuality, it had only been thirty minutes or so. They were within a twenty-minute drive back to the outskirts of Trabia. Rinoa had somehow managed to move closer to Squall during the trip, but still not as close as she would have liked. His concentration was needed on driving and not on her. Yes…some things never changed. Still her hand remained on his thigh. She refused to give up complete contact. It gave her strength; it gave her hope. By nightfall, they would be on the cargo ship hiding among the boxes, such as she had done two years ago. Most of all, by tomorrow morning, they would reach Dollet…and Allison. For a moment, she felt queasiness in her stomach. In the morning, Squall would meet his daughter…Squall Leonhart’s daughter. Gods that felt good to think freely. She had to tell him. Now was not the appropriate time with his concentration needed on the road, but she was afraid of waiting any longer. The more she contemplated it, the more something was holding her back. Yet, he proved himself and his commitment. Although, deep down…she still denied his entire honesty. It felt as if something was holding him back also. "Squall," she spoke with a wavering unmatched by anything previously. "I have something to tell…" "This is Trabian Garden base command. We are patching all SeeD communication into network feeds. You will be listening to the news conference currently in progress in downtown Trabia with Deling President and World Council Leader Jefferson Mitchell of Galbadia. We have been directed that all SeeDs must listen to the broadcast." "Hang on Rinoa," he stated simply, pulling the vehicle to the side of the road. "This is unprecedented, never has anything been broadcast on this frequency." She sighed, nervously shaking out the courage that had been building up. As they pulled over, Rinoa looked at him, as he returned the gaze. Drawing her into a quick kiss, he touched the side of her face with his leather gloves, now regretting the departure from her tender lips. "Promise Rinoa, when this is over you have my undivided attention." She could only nod in agreement, leaning on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Quistis glanced nervously around. Finally, she saw Lauren appear on the opposite side of the stage nodding. This was it. This was their stand, whether Mitchell knew it or not, this is where she turned the tides of fate upon him. "My fellow SeeDs we are coming together to unite. No longer should we be making the differentiation between our Gardens. Today we stand as one. Balamb is understandably concerned about the accusations and disappearance of Commander Leonhart. We would all ask that our leader turn himself into authorities for questioning on the murder of Richard Bennett." Neither of them could move…each in shock at the statement. Squall removed his arm and turned up the radio, praying he had heard the broadcast wrong. Well at least the part of the accused. Rinoa was in shock that Richard was dead; moreover, that Squall was charged… "Squall?" she questioned. Looking in her eyes, he shook his head in denial. She could see the perplexity within his stare, and the hurt in his eyes. She took his right hand in hers. He squeezed it back in mutual understanding and support. Quistis' voice continued to echo throughout the vehicle, "We are all friends and comrades, but above all we are SeeDs, and will stand by our principles. I want each of you to reflect upon the day you became SeeD, the day you went on your exam mission. In that experience alone, you earned your rank among us. Now I ask that you all return to that day, and draw from your feelings of why you joined SeeD." Turning to Rinoa, he brought her hand to his chest. "That's it. It's a code." He actually laughed at the simplicity in the message. "Quistis is giving us a code…Rinoa, she knows. We are to return to the Dollet Communication Tower…where I took my SeeD exam." Still in shock, Rinoa moved her head in agreement, as the words didn't truly register in her mind. "…again it is important that everyone one of your parents knows their daughters or sons are safe. We will not go blindly into this mission…" His eyes still focused on Rinoa, "There…she is saying that Allison is protected. Parents knowing that their daughters are safe." "Again, Balamb Garden is working with full cooperation with local and state authorities in the investigation. Richard Bennett was a valuable member of this community and the World Council. His murder will not be taken lightly. Last night a vile crime was committed as he was murdered within his own home, only a day after his wife passed away. His abducted daughter is still a number one priority with SeeD; we have our best operatives on the case now. However, the murder investigation will not subside until the one responsible is caught. I want whoever that person may be… I want him to think about what he has done. I guarantee you right now…he will be brought to justice. And SeeD will be there." She ended her conference with a smile. Looking over in the crowd, she noticed Seifer and Lauren standing together leading the applause. They knew what she had just done. She was now in the game with President Mitchell. In a moment of defiance, she turned back toward the man sitting there, with a look of pure evil on his features. With a smile, the instructor saluted the man, with the formal SeeD salutation. It was not a threat; it was a promise, directed solely at him. He knew that. Quistis looked at him, mouthing the word that had so often haunted her dreams. "Think." The crowd noise grew quiet from the applause, mainly led by the SeeDs present as the reporters clamored to ask her questions about the incident. Rinoa sat in horror. First, the realization that Richard Bennett was dead…second, the fact she felt no remorse. Two years with the bastard…and not one single emotion of compassion surfaced. There had been many nights she wished for this…hell, she even mentally planned it, but never could she act out on her abhorrence. That was not her nature, for murder was not in her. Unless he hurt Allison. Then she could have killed the bastard, without a second's hesitation. It was remarkable how she could let herself suffer by his hands, Hyne knows she had…every bruise, every scar, a diagram of her life the last two years. Each represented the private hell she was forced into. But if he touched Allison…no force would be greater than her wrath. Now he was dead…and she didn't care. Ironically, she was more distraught upon hearing the voice that was giving the news. Quistis. Never could she think that one her friends would betray her. They always had their differences where Squall was concerned…but still she would have trusted her life to the instructor. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Each syllable the instructor spoke dug deeper within her heart. Each word represented time lost with Squall and Squall with his daughter. The mental pain Richard caused failed in comparison to anything that Quistis had done. To be deceived by a friend is worse than to be betrayed by an enemy. She only could stare off into the distant forest, trying not to let Squall see the anger covering her features. But then, it happened. Squall was still in shock of news. He was now wanted for murder…the murder of Rinoa's forged husband. Had he thought for a moment, had he even surmised the next logical step. Had his thinking been on the obvious and not lost within the recesses of his mind…he would have known. Hell, he should have known…what the communication radio would say next. The words forever haunting him as so many already had… A reporter innocently asked, "Quistis Leonhart, how do you feel about your husband being accused of murder?" And then time stopped. No words could sting more. No words could cause so much pain. Not even in Deling during the original press conference was she so injured. The words kept repeating in her mind, like a record skipping on a player. Never going forward, never going back, only remaining in the same eternal rut. He closed his eyes. Looking at her now would be something his heart couldn't take. The look of anguish on her face would be etched in his forever, another of his betrayals causing pain. There were no expressions able to describe his feelings toward her. Life stopped two years ago, his very breaths only counting down until the time he moved into the afterlife. For no life without her was complete and death would end his perpetual torment. But in less then a day's time, he had found his salvation, only to have it slip through his fingers again. The torment thrust upon him since birth. How much more torment could Rinoa take before she broke? He was the one going to break her - in spirit and life. He inhaled as a tear slid down his battered face, he tried to choke out an explanation, "Rinoa, I..." However, it didn't matter. She was already gone. Turning as the truck door slammed, the vibration reverberating through his mind. He did it. Once again, he fucked up. His life story…the only story he could ever tell. One that was not meant to be happy, one that was meant to bring pain and suffering to all those it touched. Such as it did his mother, such as it did Ellone, and such as it did Rinoa. In that moment, his heart called for her, but his voice could not. A battle took place in his mind…remembering the loneliness of time-compression, the barren wasteland that represented his life. She found him once…now he would do it for her. It was a favor that he wanted to return, had to return. Twenty-two years he spent upon this earth in pain, he would not spend another twenty-two. If she were gone this time…he would be too. He loved her. He needed her. And she needed him. Given time she would forgive him, Hyne, she always did. That was her…she was the strong one. No not physically, but strength runs so much deeper than that. It's something unknown, something from within…and he would return her strength, which lay in her trust. Never bothering to remove the keys from the ignition, he opened his door and ran into the forest following the fresh footprints carved in the winter's snow. They would get through this. They had to. Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. --Peter Ustinov She ran. For two years that is all she ever did…now, reliving every painful moment. Rinoa ran into the forest, into the brush. Limbs scratched her face, leaving reddened and bloody streaks like claw marks from an enraged cat. The pain would have registered, had she not been numb inside. So she ran. She was good at that. The newly fallen snow was loose on the mountains side. A large section started a minor avalanche. Her tired legs gave way as she tumbled with the snow, landing on the trunk of a fallen tree. Rinoa hit the tree with great force, momentary causing her to lose focus on her surroundings. The tears did not come this time, her state of mind was beyond that. The cold snow only numbed her exposed skin more, as she gasped to fill her lungs with the piercing air. The sound did not register, but the feeling did. Before she could run any further, she was restrained from behind. Arms encircling her in a prison from which she could not escape… "Dammit, Rinoa…you're not leaving me again." She was released slightly from her confides, as he spun her around so they were face to face. His arms still locked tight around her, but now he could see the hurt in her eyes. It killed him. "Be strong," he whispered aloud. It was not meant for her to hear, but only to serve as a reminder to himself. For once in their relationship, he would be the stronger one…both physically and mentally. "Rinoa, I should have told you. But…so much…you had been through so much. I just wanted to give you time. It never meant anything…damn you for doing the one thing nobody else ever could. Rinoa, I love you." In those words, her head stopped spinning. Maybe it didn't help pull her out of the water, but it was a life preserver. Not even last night had he directly said those words. Very rarely before she left did he say them…hell should count the times on both hands. Three years they were together, but each time those words said, etched into her mind like yesterday. The anger was not gone, but somehow was manageable to her. "Quistis Leonhart," she stammered. "How, how could you…she…knew about Ellone. She won didn't she? She won." "No Rinoa," his voice grew louder in anger. "Nobody won." Her legs gave out and she fell to the ground, Squall gave in to gravity, never letting his grip on her loosen. They sat buried deep in snow, but the cold did not register…only the pain. "Rinoa, nobody won. We were all miserable…I died the day you left and I'm not going through it again. Hell or high water, I will be here. I promise." "Promise," she malevolently laughed. The laugh that had exhibited itself yesterday when her sorceress side had taken over at the sheer idea of him married. Squall noticed as her eyes started to slightly glaze; this time he recognized the signs, he even was waiting for them. Now, the knight just hoped that he could stop the anger from manifesting. "Rinoa, stop it. Listen to me…I love you. Don't let it take over. Yesterday you couldn't help it, today you can. I'm here; I'm not leaving you. No matter what, I'm going to be your knight. I broke your spirit…but together we can stop this. Try Rinoa, don't let it take over. You don't have to forgive me now…just hold to what we can have together…hold on to our love." She could feel the battle within her soul, to let the darker part of herself take control. But that was the difference…she could feel it. For the first time, she was able to isolate it, aware of what was happening. Even though it lay battered, her spirit was still with her. Because he was there, the knight protected her spirit. This time, he was doing his job. Squall watched as all traces of sorceress powers once again became dormant within her. Now, the only thing that remained on her face was the pain he caused. It was a small victory, even he realized that. He was capable of driving back the darker power, which only meant one thing…she still believed in him. And that made all the difference. "Squall, why? Why Quistis?" her shaking voice asked. "Rinoa, remember I had to keep on searching for you. The council wanted to take my command away, sighting that I was ineffective and too personally involved. I needed to find someone to marry me…I knew how she felt. Damn it, she honestly was the easiest person around. It wasn't fair to either of you. I know you don't want to hear it right now…but she feels horrible about what happened, it haunts her to this very day. I know she is sorry." She freed her right hand, reaching up and slapping him with all the force she could gather. He felt the sting of her palm, as it met with his chapped flesh. Moreover, he heard the chilling sound. Grabbing her arms tighter, regaining his control, he brought her close to his chest as he could hear, and feel, her tearless sobs. "I told you," she gasped. "Don't ever tell me you're sorry. Not you, not her. I will not take that from either of you, especially after the lies. Just let me go…just let me go…please. I can't take this anymore. I can't be with you anymore…Squall the pain, it's always here. It always has been. From the beginning, I was just a burden to you. Don't stay with me out of duty. All I ask of you is to let me go, this is my choice; this is my life. As of this moment you don't have to be my knight…you are no longer obligated to me. I release you from duty, and will suffer any consequences on my own. Just let me go. If you truly love me…you will just let me go." Feeling her hot breath on his chest, made the next move the hardest thing he would ever do…he let her go. His arms withdraw from her, aching once again to feel her warmth. But he had hurt her deeply, and this was going to be her decision…like to be with him last night. Like when she had made him her knight. He prayed to Hyne that he was doing the right thing. Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed the platinum Griever ring. With shaking hands, Squall hung it on a small branch off a fallen limb. Sitting in the drifting snow, she watched in horror as he moved away from her. He actually let her go; she didn't expect it. Damn, it was something she said out of hurt…not for him to act upon. His gloved hands reached into his coat pocket, she stiffened at the sight of the band. What the hell was he doing? Then her eyes lay transfixed as it gently swayed back in forth on the branch. He closed his eyes, gathering his strength. "Rinoa Heartilly…I will always be your knight. I can't excuse my transgressions, nor would I ever ask forgiveness from you. The only thing that I can offer you is my love…it's the only thing that I have left to give you. If you want to go, let it be your choice. My choice is to go through this together…together you, me, and Allison. I cannot promise you a happy ending; I cannot promise either of us won't get hurt. I can only promise you to do my best…and I'll die trying. If you ever, ever think you can forgive me…maybe not soon…but ever let's go to Dollet together. The only things I can give you, that I still have left, is my hope and my love. If you want this to be goodbye…I understand. Leave the ring here. I never want to see it again. If this is goodbye…then…" his voice chocked, as he could no longer speak. He stood up and started walking up the mountainside, afraid of looking back. When he reached the top, he did the hardest thing in his life. He turned around, memorizing her form fallen in the snow. Once his angel, now just a lost soul. He didn't know if what he was doing was right, it sure felt like hell. However, if this was going to work, it would be her choice. She was the one who suffered by his hand. "Goodbye," he whispered to himself. "I'll always love you." Somehow, her walk turned into more of a desperate run. Not particularly easy on the snow covered streets. But more than anything, Quistis Trepe wanted away from this place, away from all the reporters, and mostly away from President Mitchell. The harbor docks were relatively close to the conference area, and for that, she was thankful. Many citizens stopped and stared and she jogged passed, never changing expression. She only focused on one objective right now…to get the hell out of Trabia. All else could work itself out. This place resembled a grave, one she felt they were trying to bury her alive within. She was still clawing at the dirt, trying to surface for air. As she saw the boat, and the man standing on the bow, she metaphorically broke through the earth… The dirt that filled her lungs was subsiding, now she was breathing fresh oxygen. Not actually sure how it happened, like one of those old movies that played in black and white. Seifer left the boat and met her dockside. When she reached him, both opened their arms as she jumped to his body. He spun her around, an event that played like slow motion cinema in her mind. Even she realized how corny this must look to bystanders, like a dime store romance novel. But hell, she didn't care. It was a wonderful sensation to have anyone there for her, moreover, anyone who was that thrilled to see her. Seifer set her down to the snow-covered docks, but never breaking or removing his arms from the embrace. "You did it," he replied with a grin, leaning his forward against hers, so their faces were only centimeters apart. "I'm so proud. It took real courage to stand up to that bastard. Good going instructor." She leaned up kissing him softly on the lips. After breaking apart Quistis teasingly answered, "You keep forgetting that I'm not an instructor anymore." "Well, seems to me you can still teach me a few things, Ms. Trepe," he slyly answered with a trademark smirk. Shaking her head and rolling her eyes at the smugness, the 'instructor' grabbed his hand leading him up the gangplank. They untied the boat restraints and within minutes, they were setting sail toward the Dollet Dukedom. Her blonde hair flowed in the sea breeze. Seifer walked over offering his arm, and then lead them downstairs to his stateroom. He opened the door and to her surprise, he had a normal size bed, even with a small couch. "Hey Seifer," she said imitating anger. "How in the world did you get this room and the rest of us got cabins with quad bunks? Why in the world did we not sleep in here last night? Then maybe my neck wouldn't be so stiff." Tipping his head to the side, trying his best to play the roll of the innocent, he answered her with a pathetic tone. "Sorry…instructor. I won it in a bet with Commander Puberty, but hey, figured he would prefer hanging from the ceiling in a cave like the rest of his kind." "Seifer…that's not very nice," she tried to say without laughing. Walking over to the bed, she took her wet coat off, tossing it to the ground. "You know, I think you genuinely like Squall or you wouldn't be here. Why is it so hard for you two boys to get along?" "Hyne Quistis…since when has anyone called us boys? I'm twenty-three you know. Those 'boy' days are long gone. But yeah, the guy rather grows on you in his own annoying way…like moss on a stone, but sill grows. Don't ever tell him that I said that, or I will strongly deny it." Taking off his trench coat, he tossed it to the floor on top of her SeeD jacket. She watched as it landed with a thud; she was sure the thing could stand up and walk on its own. "Seifer, you really should get a new coat. I think that one needs a proper burial in the Garden incinerator. When was the last time you washed that thing anyhow?" "Why instructor, I'm hurt. As far as washing it goes…it hasn't had an 'official' wash since I was at Balamb Garden. You know how those rumors get started there… Last time in the laundry room I was accused of…ah…never mind. After I left, being a fugitive with a ‘clean coat’ wasn't a top priority. Anyway it's the only thing I have left of…" his facial expressions changed. He stood up and started to the window, his demeanor was completely different from the smugness of earlier. "Never mind it's not important. So the speech went well, I think." Getting off the bed, she reached carefully for him, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. "Seifer…please talk to me. If this is going to work out, I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I tried that once…trust me, it doesn't work. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. Please trust in me." Nodding in agreement, he reached down grabbing the delicate hand and leading her to the small loveseat. Almost ashamed of his reluctance he started, "I'm sure you don't want to hear this…but it was a gift from Rinoa. She bought it for me in August the year we went out; it was a present for my first attempt at the SeeD exam. She actually thought I was going to make it, even know she was clueless about what SeeD was at the time. It didn't matter to her. She still had faith in me. Maybe that's why I kept it. I mean Rajin and Fujin always had faith, but Rinoa was the only outsider to believe I could make something out of my pathetic life. I loved her for that, if nothing else." "I'll make you a deal," she spoke softly standing up and then sitting in his lap. Something the woman was positive she'd never done before, as it was the kind of intimacy she only dreamed. He leaned back in the soft cushions encircling both arms around her, enjoying closeness he'd never experienced either. "When we get out of this mess, I will personally take it to a dry cleaner for you. My treat." "You're to kind to me," he said playfully as she rested her head upon his shoulder. "Throw in a couple pairs of pants and a sweater, then you got yourself a deal." "No way…you'll have to pay for the rest of your laundry buddy. Remember I'll be a divorced unemployed ex-instructor then, so I'll have to watch my budget." She paused looking deep into his eyes. "Seriously Seifer, I don't care where you got it. I'm glad someone believed in you back then, even if it was Rinoa. She saw something in you that we…I managed to miss or decided to ignore. I'm grateful for that just wish I'd been there for you then…like I should have been." "Quistis, you realize this is going to get difficult from here on out. If they got the message, and trust me I know the Knight of Puberty Boys, he got the message. You're going to have to face her soon. Are you ready for that?" "No," she answered bluntly. "I don't think anybody could be ready given the circumstances. But it's something I have to do…it's the next step toward redemption. Glad that I'm not alone anymore, this would be so much harder alone. I honestly don't think I would make it." He kissed the top of her head. "You would Quistis. You under estimate yourself a lot, you're a very special person… Oh, Hyne now I'm sounding like you. See what you've done to me. I care now…this just sucks." "Yeah it does…I know." Both sat in silence listening to the hum of the engine and the sensation of the gentle rocking of the boat. Events of the last few days repeated in her mind, one thing he mentioned seemed to stand out above all others. She disliked broaching the subject again, but if she was to face Rinoa tomorrow, Quistis wanted to be as mentally prepared as possible. Then again, she was facing the impossible. "Hey, yesterday you mentioned something about theories on Allison Bennett and her abduction…what did you mean?" "Wow…hoping that one would slip by you. I just have overall doubts on the whole baby thing. Not really the abduction issue. Maybe it's my cynical nature, but there's more to this than meets the eye. Literally." "What, you don't think Rinoa gave birth to a child? It's adopted or something…giving Bennett that whole 'family man image' he needed for elections." "No, Quistis I don't doubt that Rinoa had a child, it's very rare for a sorceress to give birth…but not completely unheard of. I checked that out after I talked to you. There have only been four other cases in recorded history. Each of the sorceress' received their powers at a very young age, all before the age of eighteen. That would explain how their bodies could handle the transformation and physical side effects from the embodiment. So yeah, I think it's Rinoa's all right… I just doubt that Richard Bennett is the father." Quistis sat up looking him in the eye, confusion masking her face. "What? What do you mean," she demanded. A sudden fear gripped her body, momentarily she felt helpless to her own thoughts. "No, no…not Squall the little girl is only fourteen months old… That wouldn't be physically possible…she would've had to conceive two months after she left Garden." "Mathematically it would be one month after the attack," he said reaching for a group of folders next to the sofa. He opened up a manila folder handing her the child's picture that they were given three days ago for identification purposes. "Look at this child and tell me what you see…or more, precisely who you see." For the second time to day, Quistis Trepe-Leonhart felt violently ill. It was staring her right in the face…literally. "Oh my god…Seifer those eyes…I know those eyes…I…" she couldn't speak coherently. The only thing she could focus on was Allison's eyes, the same azure hues she spent countless years yearning for, dreaming of…now staring back at her with an innocent smile. Definitely, Rinoa's smile. "Yeah, Quistis…I know. I spent years loathing those eyes… I know them all too well. The age can't be right…someone is lying somewhere. But around here, that's the norm. What would be strange is if anyone was telling the truth. You even mentioned Rinoa had been a huge bitch before she ran…later people concluded it was from planning the attack. Those few other cases of sorceress' giving birth, every one of them was with their knight. Only that bond could be strong enough to break the cycle of infertility. In history, only four other pairs have shared a deep enough love…now five." She couldn't help the trembling. The realization of everything hit her. Everything. In one moment that day two years ago, all made sense. Something Ellone said scared Rinoa…she ran not for her protection, but for her unborn child. Damn it. Of course, that fit much better. Up until then, Rinoa was fighting, defending Garden. Beside Quistis. Ellone had been the key and the secret died along with her. Rinoa's behavior…it all fit perfectly…another piece of the puzzle they all had been trying to solve for two years. "Seifer…I…I sent an unarmed pregnant woman out into the world…then Squall…he and I… How are they ever supposed to forgive me, when I can't forgive myself now?" Her body continued to tremble as she fell against Seifer's chest. Concealing her head between his shoulder and neck, trying desperately not to cry. He attempted to comfort her without speaking, for there were no words to help right now. She had to come to terms with this on her own. The only thing he could do is simply be there. Let her know that she wasn't alone, no matter how alone she felt. The pain was too much to bear, as he turned and walked the final distance to the vehicle. Slowly he got in. Squall Leonhart was dead. Never could any feeling compare to this. Maybe his redemption did come, just not in the form he desired. He found her, and learned the answers to the questioned he dared not ask. Now he was no different from her, on the run, nowhere to call home…and utterly fucking miserable. He slammed his fist into the dashboard, breaking the Plexiglas that protected the instruments. Black leather gloves ripped from the jagged shards that remained. The crimson blood from his hand dripped slowly onto the floorboards. And he did not care. Resting his head on the steering wheel, for the first time he contemplated the end of his life. Not even before had he had these thoughts, images running through his mind. It would be so easy…the icy roads the perfect means. The impact of the truck into the ravines would make it relatively painless, that is if he wanted painless. Part of him wanted to suffer as before, but now… So lost in his own purgatory, he didn't notice the door open, nor the chilling cold air that flowed in the vehicle. He only heard the door as it closed, quickly turning his attention to the passenger seat. There she sat. Hair snow covered, wet, and matted. She was shaking from head to toe with a combination of emotions and effects from the weather. She wasn't looking at him, only straight ahead. She never made any attempt to acknowledge his presence. For minutes, they sat there, neither wanting to speak. Yet he felt the greatest relief possible. Now, she knew all his secrets, and mistakes. And she was willing to forgive him someday. She truly was the strong one. "Squall, don't speak to me…not now. We have two hours before the freighter leaves the harbor…we have a boat to catch." Never looking at him, only keeping her eyes fixated on the road. No words had ever sounded better to him… "We have a boat to catch." Closing his eyes, in his mind came the words, "I love you." For a brief second, Squall could have sworn, within in mind she reluctantly answered, "Yeah…I love you too." Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love. --William Shakespeare The musty wooden crates smelled of mold. The darkened interior was only breached by the smallest rays of moonlight that shown through rotten planks. Together they were huddled by an exterior wall of the cargo ship, between the crates large enough to comfortably store an adult Behemoth. Although they were near, she had taken great caution never to make contact with him. He understood. Rinoa had not spoken to him in almost five hours, a short eternity he was willing to sacrifice. Squall kept his distance, never attempting conversation. He knew better. This was completely her decision; he respected her enough to allow her privacy. In time, she would ask him questions…and sitting in this godforsaken boat, they would have plenty of time. Reaching the harbor had been easy enough. Squall had parked the vehicle on the outskirts of the shipping yards. His intentions were not to conceal it, rather just the opposite. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary by the least to have SeeD patrolling the harbors. To purposely try to conceal the vehicle would have been much more obvious. The only snag they had run across was the 'voluntary inspections' enacted by the World Council around a year ago. They were about as voluntary as a root canal, but it sounded good to the citizens. Instead of openly stating, "We're checking your ships so we can tax your asses." From a political standpoint, the latter may have not gone over too well. After the customs inspections were finished, the two managed to sneak aboard, all in nonverbal communication. Leaning his head against the wall, Squall closed his eyes memorizing the sounds of her breathing. It's strange what one can hear without words, in the stillness of the night. The rocking boat was a comfort right now, like a mother in a rocking chair soothing her crying child. After he thought he was going to go out of his mind, he checked the neon blue glow of his watch. It was now past midnight. From all best estimates, they would arrive in Dollet somewhere around nine in the morning. Listening to her breathing Squall could tell Rinoa had not gone to sleep. Not rhythmic and peaceful, it sounded like she was going to blow up at him any moment. He waited. One could cut the tension with the ever clichéd knife, and she knew it. Breaking the silence, she finally asked him, "Who knows I didn't kill Ellone?" Exhaling loudly he answered, "Rinoa, before we left I didn't have much time to tell anyone. It was basically a need-to-know mission. I re-instated Quistis to SeeD so she and Seifer could…" "Seifer!?" Shit. With everything else going on, he forgot about Seifer. Last time any of them had seen him, he was offering Rinoa as a human sacrifice. Oh yes, the day just got better. Even in the dark, he could tell she was looking at him, eyes throwing daggers. And he felt every single on of them enter his body. "Rinoa please…a few days ago Seifer came by Garden offering to help. I have trusted him completely, and so far, he has not let me down. He needs salvation like the rest of us, trust me, he'll come through. It was his information that helped lead us to you…and Rinoa he believed in you from the start. Something that not everyone can say…including me." Laughing openly, the kind of laughter one reaches when they no longer can cry, she found humor in her situation. "The only people I have on my side are the woman who accused me of murder, the guy who ordered my murder, and the asshole who actually tried to murder me. Oh yes, fate is laughing at this one." When put in such simple terms, Squall could see just how desperate her situation seemed within her own mind. "Rin…the others will believe you. Hell, they will want to believe you. Nobody wanted to think you killed Ellone…" "I didn't," she spat. "I know that. I'm just saying that nobody wanted to believe it in the first place." "Nobody would have had Quistis not said that I did. Oh that's right, you never asked her did you? Too busy trying to get her into bed?" "Damn it, you're not being reasonable. I never directly asked her…no. Never thought I would have to do something like that. I trusted her too…we were both betrayed." "Just don't talk to me…it's late and I really don't want to hear this right now." "I know Rinoa…but you do realize that you'll probably be seeing her tomorrow." Curling her knees to her chest, she refused to speak anymore. Tomorrow would be pure hell. What was she going to say? What was she going to do? The only thing that kept her going was the thought of seeing Allison…and whether she would admit to herself or not she needed Squall there. By her side. Damn him. It was a warm night in Dollet, given the time of year. Alex tossed and turned on the hard mattress. When the nightmare came, as it always did, she awoke with a sudden jolt. It was her curse to witness the murder over and over. A horrendous event she could never forgive herself for, even though it happened over twenty-five years ago. Lying peaceful on her side, Allison was tightly wrapped with her favorite chocobo blanket. Alexandra had to get out of here, if only for a little bit. When she entered the small living room, both men were still up. When the door opened, both stopped their talking looking directly at each other, then finally to her. Hyne, she hated secrets. Moreover, she hated the look these two guys were giving her right now. "Hey, can one of you go in with Allison? I need to go get some air." "At twelve-thirty in the morning?" Irvine asked. She never answered, just walked out the backdoor…never saying another word to either man. "She's so much fun, isn't she?" Zell sarcastically shot back at Irvine. "Nobody has irritated me that much since…" "Seifer!?" Irvine yelled standing up, looking uncharacteristically upset. "Yeah…Irvine I was going to say Seifer…didn't think you would be so upset at the mere mention of the name. Gosh, and they say I have issues." "No," Irvine pointed to the front door. "It's Seifer." Hard feelings ran deep and Zell was not much on hiding his emotions. The anger was obvious on his face. Jumping up the martial artist would have started over to the old nemesis, had it not been for Irvine grabbing him by the arm. Up to this point, both of the men had been in momentary shock. Just as they were about to say something, Quistis stepped from behind the former knight. "Don't even start you two," she said in her 'instructorly tone.' The one that basically said, "If you mess with me you will be drinking Jell-O from a straw." "Quistis!?" Zell finally was able to verbalize, albeit not so tactfully. "Do you know that is lapdog himself?" "That is Mr. Lapdog to you Chicken-Wuss," Seifer tauntingly replied. Turning around glaring at him Quistis warned, "Seifer…don't you do this either. You promised to be civil. We have much bigger problems than you two needing a referee." Looking back and forth between the scene unfolding in front of him, Irvine decided to be the voice of reason between the two men. "Sorry Quistis…you have to understand the last person we thought we would be dealing with was him. The message we received from Selphie never mentioned that you would be bringing…um…company. We will try to remain calm…and you explain what he is doing here, before we sacrifice him to the surf." "Guys, Seifer is helping us. He arrived at Garden four days ago, since then he and Squall have been working to find Rinoa. Seifer helped us… Please, I know it's going to be hell, but we need to get along right now. Face it…you guys in the eyes of the law are no better than he is. If all of us want out of this, we need to work together as a team." "Hey," Seifer tried speaking as seriously as possible. "I know how you feel. I fucked up. Is that what you wanted to hear? No matter how much I get on my knees and beg forgiveness it won't change the past. The only thing I can change is the present. I want to help Squall and Rinoa. Hell, I owe it to them for what I did… I owe it to you guys to help you out of your situation. Let's face it, who better knows how to slither in the shadows? You guys are in my territory. There is a reason I haven't been caught in five years. I'm good. I need this chance…I need the redemption for my mistakes. If you guys at any point don't trust me, or want me to leave…I will. No questions asked. Deal?" Both guys looked at each other. Neither trusted the man, but if Squall and Quistis had been working with him for the last four days…then just maybe he might help. Shit, they had been searching for Rinoa for two years, and nothing. Now everything starts fitting in place, strangely both felt that Seifer was somehow a part of the puzzle. A piece that had been gnawed on, spit on, and chewed by a T-Rex…but still a part. "Fine," Irvine spoke from both men. "But one false move and you're gone...literally off a cliff." "I'm leaving," Zell said flatly. "I need some fresh air." He turned, leaving the other three to stand in awkward silence. "Is Allison here?" Quistis nervously asked. "Yeah, she's asleep in bed." Turning to Seifer, she reached for his hand, "Seifer…I need to see her. I want to look in those eyes…the ones that will never forgive me." She sat on the rocky sea cliff, looking out into the dark chasm of night. The endless void seemed to swallow all it touched, the insignificance of her life was now more apparent than ever. Silent tears fell as waves crashed below. Alexandra could hear every sound, yet never see their movement. The night air turned cooler, for a moment she wondered how everyone was fairing. Emotions ran deep right now, a volatile situation at best. Her problems were not theirs, for they had been cursed with far too many. Nightmares. They haunted her in every sleep; they haunted her when she was awake. The connection made without knowledge of outcome. Over the last year, each grew more dreadful, more grotesque. Not in symbolic metaphors, but in deep emotion. The worst nightmares are the ones that you experience, the ones that linger long after you awake. It had come to pass, painfully so, that these were no longer nightmares…they were much more vivid. Many believers would call them visions. Alex knew better, these were no longer imaginings but reality. No longer an abstract concept, these were something far worse. Memories. They were the memories of the dead, the voices crying out from beyond the grave. She relived each terrorizing moment…it haunted her. Forever obligated to a group of strangers by fate. Her destiny was to be amongst them, but never part of them. They had their military lives; she had nothing. She served her function, Ally and Rinoa became surrogate family. Now back where they belonged, the moment both blissful and disheartening. Their knight had returned, just as should be. Now she was a felon, with no place for salvation from the recesses of her own mind. For a split second Alex surmised what would happen if she fell into the churning waters below. The sea beckoned her echoing her name, as if a siren calling to the sailor, the water seductively whispering. The nightmares were killing her, slowly eating away at sanity. "Hey…um…you okay?" Zell spoke delicately, standing behind her. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she looked into the dark void. "Yeah, fine. I just had a bad dream, that's all. Nothing really of consequence." She lied. Alex was far from fine, in fact, she was closer to tragedy than all of them. Scratching his head, he kicked a few stay stones off over the edge. Their sounds were not heard, the oceans bellows much to overpowering. "Fine just checking, you just seem to have an issue about sleeping and right now it's better than being in there with them…" He paused. Trying to communicate with someone was more Selphie's department, how he wished her here. "Yeah…I’m going to leave you alone now." "Night." "Yeah…night," he said reluctantly, turned and started to walk back to the house. A breeze sent an eerie chill down his spine. For a moment, he could have sworn that a ghost passed through his being. No. This was not fine; she was not fine. "Hey wait a second. You know what Alexandra, ever since I met you…well you have talked in riddles, and kept information to yourself. I'm tired of it. There is something going on here and you're not telling us." Walking back to the cliffs edge he sat quietly next to her, folding his legs. She looked at him and for a moment, neither said a word. Her eyes filled with the sorrow of many, for the first time he noticed her tougher exterior eroding, rather the one who needed help, too afraid to ask. She turned away from him, trying desperately to hide the pain. "I live the memories of the dead." "Wha?" he looked, as their eyes met. She smiled weakly, "I know you want the truth…but I just don't know how to put into words. They are feelings that I experience, it is nothing predictable." "Alex, I don't understand any of this. My visions, some unearthly connection you mentioned two nights ago. Why…why was it me?" "I don't know why she picked you that was not for me to decide." "Who Rinoa?" asked Zell. "What did you know about Ellone's parents? About her life at Winhill before Raine." "Ellone…what does this have to do with her?" "Everything," she spoke throwing a hand full of stones over the edge. "Um…well we know that Raine was her legal guardian after her parents were killed during the first sorceress war. But…really, I don't think we know anything of her biological parents…to us she was just 'Sis'. We loved her." "Murdered," Alex spat. "Her parents were murdered. There is a fucking difference Zell. Her father killed within his own home trying to defend his family. Her mother…wasn't as lucky." "Huh? I thought they were both buried in Winhill?" "Ellone's father is… But her mother was buried in a mass Estharian grave…thrown out like yesterday's trash." "Excuse me…but how do you know all this? And why? If none of us thought too much about it, not even Ellone, why do you care?" "Oh…Ellone cared. She just didn't want to burden you with her family. All of you had suffered so much pain; she didn't want to add anymore." "What business is this of yours anyhow? I mean did you even meet her? Ellone is a subject that I really feel uncomfortable discussing with you…or anyone for that matter." "I never met her…when she was alive. Her mother was raped by the fucking soldiers in Winhill, in front of her father. They let him watch before they shot him pointblank in the heart… They were going to kill her mother also, but decided to take her back with them. They detained her at an Estharian prison camp for almost two years…she was beaten and raped repeatedly. By the time they were done with her, she didn't even know her own name. Around that time, Odine found Ellone so they brought her mother from the camp to the lab…who was four months pregnant with the fucking warden's child. She was his personal whore by then… Zell they stole everything from her." "During the next few months she stayed at Odine's…to be monitored. By the time she gave birth, she was almost dead. Her will to live was gone, but she saw the baby…she watched as they held her up. For nine months, she resented the fetus growing inside her, and everything it represented. But…when they held the baby up…she forgot. She only saw the innocence…" "The baby…she looked at the baby…and smiled. They called her name, and she turned just in time to see the warden standing there with a gun…they fucking shot her in the head. Those bastards…in all their greatness they never cared about human life. She was nothing more than a research subject. Odine thought that the child would be a substitute for Ellone, that the baby would carry the same powers, but guess what…through their goddamned research they learned that it was the father's genes that carried the trait. Her mother had nothing to do with it. So, Odine ordered the murder of the child…Kenneth Williams, the doctor who had taken care of Ellone's mom during the pregnancy, was supposed to give the infant a lethal injection…but he didn't. The man had killed countless number of people, but couldn't tolerate taking the life of an innocent baby…" "So he switched the body of that with a stillborn, took the baby to his wife…and raised me. And that is how I became Alexandra Williams. Ellone is my half sister..." Words escaped him, the thought of having to live through these memories every night, the sensations and emotions they would cause. How did she keep going…how could she sleep? "Alex, is that what you see when you sleep? I can't imagine…the dreams I saw of Rinoa were troubling enough. But to see that, knowing it actually happened…" "Yeah Zell, I always see it through my mother’s eyes…watch them kill her husband, feel the sensations of the abuse, and I can see my self being born…then he always calls her name. Every night I wish she wouldn't look knowing what is coming next…but she always does… Every night I feel the impact of the bullet…then I wake up. Screaming." She had never felt such stiffness in her life. Her entire body screamed of pain, from head to toe. Momentarily she found herself fazed when she opened her eyes, her surroundings completely foreign. Soon as her focused regained, she could make out the crates in the distance. The morning light was shining through the cracks now, lighting much more of the interior that she had ever seen. She didn't have to look. Intuition told her that he was watching her, and out of pure stubbornness, she was not going to acknowledge him first. Why give him the satisfaction? So she kept her eyes forward, listening to their breathing, which somehow seemed go be increasing as the silence continued. "Still not speaking?" he finally stated. Pulling her knees to her chest, making every muscle scream out, she sighed outwardly. Hundreds of thoughts were racing through her head…foremost, Quistis. "I don't get it Squall. You say that you love me, yet you were so willing to forgive her lies…now you want me to work with her?" "Don't ever say that I forgive her. That is one thing that will never happen. But, I had to decide what was more import…my hate for her or my love for you. There was no contest. Rinoa…I will never forget what I lost." No matter how many times Rinoa tried to understand, she still couldn't comprehend the situation completely. It was hard to envision the others miserable, knowing what she had personally experienced. Were they beaten? Where they trapped? She tried to weigh how emotional and physical balanced between the two scenarios…yet still she seemed to be missing the comparison. At least now, she was trying to understand their side. Maybe once they were all together again, she could recognize the full picture… In a few short hours…she would see Allison. She would see all of them. The one who tried to murder her, the one who accused her of murder, and the ones that believed her guilty. Where would you rather be? Anywhere but here When will the time be right? Anytime but now The doubt and the fear I know Would all disappear Anywhere but here. --Rush (Double Agent) Walking the distance between the harbor and the Dollet communication tower seemed the journey of a lifetime. Never had Rinoa remembered such a long trek. Every step of the way, she dreaded the immanent confrontation. The voyage felt more like that of a prisoner being escorted from death row to execution. Each stride took her closer to the past, recalling every painful memory of the betrayal. Her salvation was Allison…and Squall, but she would not admit the latter to anyone but herself. The commander had led the way, taking obscure alleyways and wooded shortcuts to avoid detection. Training had served him well and never had Squall felt the stakes so high. He too realized the complexity of the situation. Rinoa had been in complete silence since they started, yet he did not push her. Normally silence would have been his welcomed friend, but in this instance, each passing moment ripped at his heart…each moment reminding him of her pain, moreover, his unfaithfulness. In spirit and body. |